Dear Northern Ireland,
Cheer the f*ck up. There’s more to life than shootings, beatings, arson attacks, funerals. etc. I know death is a way of life with you due to the “Troubles” but it’s time to move on. When unemployment is the “And finally…” cheerful piece at the end of the TV news you know it’s time for a shake up. This is where we need a United States of Europe just to drown you people out into obscurity.
You have 48 hours.
Regards,
A Northern Irish exile (of sorts)
Dear Dial Oman,
You are a wonderful little country. You’re completely driveable in a single day. You have the oldest consistent government. Your icon is three male Rockettes kicking. I call it ‘the Kicker’ which is why I sometimes refer to your island as ‘Kicker Island.’ You also have a pretty big wheel that powers something. The Bee Gees lived on your shores for some time. And your official cat is the Manx.
All of those qualities make you completely wonderful. My only suggestion is to work on your food. Fried food is so passe. You should call Gordon Ramsay – he’ll fix you up.
Until next time,
Liz xoxo
